A MESSAGE FROM BONZO ENGLISH
Dear President-elect,
No need to look any further to fill any left-over cabinet positions. I, Bonzo the Beagle, nominate myself and I am available immediately. The current family I live with, Michael and Carolyn English, are crazy and lately comfort foods are not comforting and I have put on a lot of weight. My strong qualities are being fixed (no scandals or hush money payments). In fact, my code name is HUSH-puppy, but I do still get quite frisky with a human leg. Trained by the F.B.I. (Frisky Beagle Investigator), I am also great for private security, just not full time. I do suffer from ADDD, attention-deficit-dog-disorder, and need lots of sleep. I am a warrior for free speech, just hear me bark and bay all day long. I will fight back against the regulatory lawfare that has stifled American’s freedoms...who says you can’t take several naps during the day?? Who says you can’t chase parked cars? I can cut the red tape and chew it up.
strength, I simply step on Purrdee the cat until she claws me. In addition, I understand the importance of loyalty. Don’t stress that I am a dog and an unqualified sycophant, I have no moral or ethical quandaries to get in the way; I come already damaged...perfect Whitehouse material.
Michael’s music is on every music platform now with videos. (Make sure you go to The Michael E English band to register your complaint on how awful his music is.) However, I, Bonzo the Beagle, am starring in a small roll in one video 'Get This Joint A-Jumpin', so Paws up to that song.
I really miss Ginny and Ellie. Celebrating 4 years of marriage and happiness away from here, Ginny, the cute blonde one, works on her 100-year-old home, enjoys teaching and art projects. Ellie, the adorable red head, rocked it out drumming in two bands, recording with 3 bands, releasing two albums and touring. And not to get bored, she is earning a master’s degree as a therapist. (Great, Michael and Carolyn need a lot of help!) When she comes to visit, I add dog hair to her clothes. She likes that.
Don’t worry about me abandoning the Englishes, they won’t even know I’m gone. They spent three weeks traveling to the Panama Canal, a week at the True/False documentary film festival in Missouri, three months touring the Midwest with the band Ivory (Ellie rocked it out with Top Dog, Michael, in Deadwood, SD) culminating with playing the South Dakota State Fair and finally a quick trip to the University of South Dakota where the 50-year Homecoming Queen waved to the crowd...that would be Carolyn, not Michael. Leaving me with Purrdee, the cat,they headed out to see the Lakers, the Dodgers, the Greek theatre, the Hollywood Bowl and the L.A. opera.
I am a champion of our Constitutional rights and in fact just lined the cat box with shredded documents. Known for securing peace through
Please respond by pee-mail.
Bonzo, the Beagle
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You know that old saying about how even
a blind squirrel occasionally finds a nut.
Please, I have to get out of this place! I deserve the finest cabinet position available. Please take a very short time to make your decision to hire me. I don’t travel well with a weak bladder and I vomit on right hand turns...vertigo.
